she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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