It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
