the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
