there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
