He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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