Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
