Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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