Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
