I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
