have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
