it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
