sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I believe in your delicious
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
