I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
