So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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