It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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