you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
