god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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