we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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