I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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