Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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