I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize