If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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