Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
