allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
