Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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