WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
