Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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