Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
