Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
