I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everclear isn't food dammit
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
