I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
