You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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