I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm like, not good at living.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
