this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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