I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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