That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
People in love make me want to vomit
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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