I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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