The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
