Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
