You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
