In America we eat man semen.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
