Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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