Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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