4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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