she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
