I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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