"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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