12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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