I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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