So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
