you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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