you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
