I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
