I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
