You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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