I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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