is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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