home. puking in laundry basket.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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