Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
