I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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