Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
