The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
